My Dog Won’t Stop Licking His Butt (A Dog Owner’s Conundrum)

kirby not licking butt

It started a few days ago…

Kirby, my punk Chihuahua, started incessantly licking his ass. Morning, noon, and night butt licking.

On the first day, I thought maybe he just had a tickle in his bum. Maybe he swallowed one of my wife’s long black hairs and he was trying to get it out.

I thought not much of it and let him proceed, thinking that if it was a hair, then surely he would poop it out eventually.

Day two, the butt licking continued with no less enthusiasm, and I began to wonder if maybe the pork rib bone I’d given him a few days earlier had fragmented and gotten lodged.

He’s eaten many a pork bone with no problems whatsoever, because afterall, they are rather soft and he pretty much grinds them into meal when he eats them.

It couldn’t be a bone fragment, could it?

Day three, he’s still at it. That Chihuahua butthole has never been cleaner the way he’s been licking.

Bella, Cutest of all Yorkies is starting to sniff his ass and taunt him. She must be sensing his vulnerability, and takes advantage of his distracted state of mind.

This of course annoys him and he becomes increasingly hostile toward her.

My wife is beginning to worry and postulate causes, suggesting that we may need to take him to the vet.

Citing the expense of a trip to the vet, and the likelihood that it’s something simple that will either resolve itself, or that we can fix at home, I propose we wait a few more days. In the meantime, I Google, “My dog won’t stop licking his ass”, and lo and behold, here are the results. See image below.

dog wont stop licking his ass

 

So, I click a few links, read a few articles, and, after deciding that my Kirby is likely suffering from clogged up anal glands, I proceed over to YouTube for instruction on how to go about easing his suffering.

 

I watch the first four videos that come up in search results for advice:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4tiz27F5do

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tn2Zm-KwKy4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXpIYcWpkBo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WdoZvBVihHM

 

youtube express anal glands

 

After deciding that I have the necessary skills, I recruit my wife to be my assistant and, after gathering supplies, we take my poor butt-obsessed Chihuahua outside to do the deed.

Here’s what we brought:

We leashed him up, and with my wife holding his biting end secure, I first follow the external method, with little result.

I then go to the internal method, and believe me, no one is having fun at this point.

I never became a veterinarian because never in my 5-year-old brain did the thought occur to me that sticking my fingers inside dogs’ asses would be a great way to spend my working hours.

But, as a family man, I must do what is necessary to ensure the health of my family, and after all, Kirby is family.

So, I lube up a finger, and gently, ever so gently, slip it in. It’s unsettling I have to be honest.

Upon getting the first knuckle of my index finger in my poor dog’s butt, and, feeling his swollen gland, he gives a yelp, and I beat a hasty retreat.

I decide that his gland must be impacted enough that I can try the external method one more time.

So, as described in this video, I take a wider ‘baby cheek squeezing’ grip and gently squeeze toward Kirby’s anus, and hallelujah, his gland begins to empty a foul, black, brown, and white colored oily substance.

SUCCESS!

I give a few more gentle squeezes, Kirby struggling and growling all the while, and my wife wrestling to keep him from biting either of us.

I get a few more drops of the disgusting fluid out and finally it seems there is no more to be gotten.

I wipe his bum with baby wipes and we release the struggling beast to lick his ass. He seems instantly relieved. Here’s the little bastard looking as happy as can be.

kirby not licking butt

 

He hasn’t licked his ass since the ordeal.

The moral of the story folks, is that a dog’s anal glands, while completely foreign territory to most of us, are an area that you may one day need to explore, for the health and sanity of your pet, and to save yourself the cost of a visit to the vet.

I hope you have found this post amusing at a minimum, and informative too.

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